Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!
>> Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.. A guy who purchased
>> his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
>>
>> Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
>> sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was
>> looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie . What I came
>> across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of
>> the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse
>> affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to
>> safety....??
>> WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought
>> The device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn
>> thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned,
>> however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal
>> surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting
>> back and forth between the prongs.
>> AWESOME!!!
>> Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is
>> on the face of her microwave.
>> Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
>> it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?
>> There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
>> (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking
>> that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving
>> target.. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction
>> of a second) and thought better of it.. She is such a sweet cat. But,
>> if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
>> against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as
>> advertised. Am I wrong?
>> So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
>> glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
>> hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second
>> burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
>> supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
>> three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
>> ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds
>> would be wasting the batteries.
>> All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
>> long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and
>> (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself,
>> 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description,
>> but I'll do my best.. .?
>> I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
>> side as to say, 'don't do it dumbass,' reasoning that a one second
>> burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I
>> decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I
>> touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and .. .
>> HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!
>> I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me
>> up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
>> over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the
>> fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples
>> on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under
>> my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was
>> making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture
>> frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid
>> getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
>> Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one
>> note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you
>> zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
>> from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three
>> second burst would be considered conservative?
>> IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
>> A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
>> that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
>> surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of
>> the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so
>> from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples
>> were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with
>> Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the
>> drooling .
>> Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and
>> my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head
>> which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and
>> I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!
>> P.s... My wife, who can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the
>> gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
>> If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!